Iraqi's minister of information did not show up for his press conference today. However, he claims he was there and he said it went very well.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Each moment of worry, anxiety or stress represents lack of faith in miracles, for they never cease.

When we pray we link ourselves with an inexhaustible motive power.

If you want to challenge the system, don't go to bed with it.

There is no such thing as bragging. You're either lying or telling the truth.

I think I feel on the whole that something's there trying to get out ... It's sort of trying to get out and wants help.

He [William Harvey] did not care for chymistrey, and was wont to speake against them with an undervalue.

a kite is a victim you are sure of. you love it because it pulls.

I am a Muslim and . . . my religion makes me be against all forms of racism. It keeps me from judging any man by the color of his skin. It teaches me to judge him by his deeds .

We've clearly seen that Tea Party Republicans are willing to take our economy hostage just to score political points, but I'm not willing to do that.

When a man is old enough to do wrong he should be old enough to do right also.