Ironically, the possibility that the president dodged his military service has increased his approval ratings with Democrats by 80 percent.

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Strange medical news from Pakistan: A man had a successful organ transplant with a dog. They gave the man a dog's organ. In a related story today, Keith Richards was seen chasing a mailman.

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Democrats were quick to point out that President Bush's budget creates a 1 trillion dollar deficit. The White House quickly responded with 'Hey, look over there, it's Saddam Hussein.'

I enjoyed retirement the right way linguine con vongole, red wine and plenty of truffle cheese.

The prison scandal is really hurting President Bush's poll numbers. In fact, I hear he's already working on his concession smirk.

John Kerry will be the Democratic nominee for president. Democrats finally found someone who is Al Gore without the flash and the sizzle.

The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.

New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.

President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.

In politics and passion, perception is reality.

Like I'm on the verge of just blowing up. All the stress and pressure and anxiety just bubbling up.

The desert of virginity Aches in the hotness of her mouth.

When you repeat a new pattern often, you literally change the neural pathways in your brain. This shift helps true change settle in.

While you're busy looking for the perfect person, you'll probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy.

What is your aim in philosophy? To show the fly the way out of the fly-bottle.

Big government helps the people who have made it. It doesn't help the people who are trying to make it; it crushes the people who are trying to make it.

And I remember most of what I know that is good and true and lasting has come not from scholars but from minstrels and gypsies.

Those who put blinders on their eyes should remember that the set also includes bridle and a whip.

That which moveth the heart most is the best poetry; it comes nearest unto God, the source of all power.