Ironically, to my children, bedtime is a punishment that violates their basic rights as human beings.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

A feminist is anyone who recognizes the equality and full humanity of women and men.

Don't let a three-o'clock-at-night feeling fog your soul.

Is the love you have for me, and the feelings I have for you forever parallel, with no chance of intersecting?

I am waiting for that Morning, When Me and My Dream, both will be Together.

We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good judgment.

Do you know how beautiful you are?' I shook my head 'I'm not. But you make me fell like I am.' I wanted to be beautiful. To him. For him. I didn't care how anybody else saw me. Only Ethan.

I was unemployable when I got out of college.

I was pushing myself to extremes in order to discover my many selves.

A successful dinner is one that lasts a while and one where everyone leaves happy. It's a meal where we didn't just wolf food down, rather something else happened at the table. That is the goal.

The blues - the sound of a sinner on revival day.