Irony - The modern mode: either the devil’s mark or the snorkel of sanity.

The greatest patriotism is to tell your country when it is behaving dishonorably, foolishly, viciously.

The writer must be universal in sympathy and an outcast by nature: only then can he see clearly.

What is the easiest, the most comfortable thing for a writer to do? To congratulate the society in which he lives: to admire its biceps, applaud its progress, tease it endearingly about its follies.

Women scheme when they are weak, they lie out of fear. Men scheme when they are strong, they lie out of arrogance.

The best form of government is one that is dying, because that means it’s giving way to something else.

The best life for a writer is the life which helps him write the best books he can.

If the writer were more like a reader, he’d be a reader, not a writer. It’s as uncomplicated as that.

He didn’t really like travel, of course. He liked the idea of travel, and the memory of travel, but not travel itself.

To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness - though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless.

Everything you invent is true: you can be sure of that. Poetry is a subject as precise as geometry.

Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious.

We grovel and "worship" and pray to God to do what we ourselves ought to have done a thousand years ago, and can do now, as soon as we choose.

They didn't have a problem with me being wild and crazy when it came time to fill the arenas.

Middle-class people are becoming desperate. It can cause a moral man to break bad.

Time is that which is manufactured by clocks.

The CEO of The Cheesecake Factory is now warning that Obamacare will be very costly. Hey, The Cheesecake Factory is one of the reasons we need Obamacare in the first place.

We must all learn a good lesson - how to live together.

Losing is like smoking. It's habit forming.

[Iraqis] know we own their country...It's a good thing, especially when there is a lot of oil out there we need.