Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Of all the bright cruel lies they tell you, the cruelest is the one called love.

Books have a way of finding their way into our lives, usually, right when we need them the most.

What did I want? I wanted the war to be over so I could ask her out.

The light of God surrounds me The love of God enfolds me The power of God protects me The Presence of God watches over me Wherever I am God is.

If you want to see the sun shine you have to weather the storm.

You just pick up a chord, go twang, and you're got music.

Art is not the spiritual side of business.

Most people have no idea how to politely answer a phone. The English do, and it's been their only major business advantage for the past two centuries.

Better think while it's still legal.

Since the handling of arms is a beautiful spectacle, it is delightful to young men.