Irreverence is our only sacred cow.

As long as the government can arbitrarily decide which substances are legal and which are illegal, then those who remain behind bars for illegal substances are political prisoners

There is indeed a business like show business. It's the news.

I Used To Believe In Reincarnation, But That Was In a Past Life.

For years, reality has been nipping at the heels of satire. Now, it's finally caught up. I don't need to make this stuff up.

I had become an atheist at the age of thirteen, when atomic bombs were dropped on Japan.

English is my second language. Laughter is my first.

I guess I'm a spiritual secularist, if that's not an oxymoron. My paths of secularism and spirituality are the same: I try to do the appropriate thing at each moment.

Since I was both an atheist and an absurdist, I had decided that the most absurd thing I could do would be to develop an intimate relationship with the God I didn't believe in.

People don’t like to be lectured to, but if you can make them laugh, their defenses come down, and for the time being they’ve accepted whatever truth is embedded in your humor.

Avoid internalizing society's sexism, racism, ageism - pick an ism, any ism.

If we are teaching children how to lie, to steal, and to be aggressive, why do schools punish those who lie and steal? and why does the society punish the offender criminal?

Life demands that we live to care for others instead of living to care for self

Are you still upset I murdered our parents? - Tommy to Danny

What's the matter with you?" I hissed at her as we followed Kieran and Solange inside.'She's royalty!'"And a vampire, remember?"'Oh yeah, ' Chloe paused. 'Nope, princess trumps vampire.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' Yeah, well, whoever wrote that was a friggin' idiot.

The sole life which a man can lose is that which he is living at the moment.

u201Che G-minor Symphony consists of eight remarkable measures surrounded by a half-hour of banality.

But at least he can still see the lights below us. Although maybe for him it doesn't matter.

Satisfaction, I have the right tactics... And if you need em I got crazy prophylactics.

Be yourself,its the best thing you can be.