Is being an idiot like being high all the time?

Blood may be thicker than water, but it is still sticky, unpleasant and generally nauseating.

To me, there is no greater act of courage than being the one who kisses first.

I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.

It’s mentally exhausting, feeling bad about something you can do nothing about.

Taking into account the public's regrettable lack of taste, it is incumbent upon you not to fit in.

When I see the American flag, I go, 'Oh my God, you're insulting me.'

The world would be better off with multiple superpowers. When Communist USSR was a superpower, the world was better off.

This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy.

I can't wait for the next fad though, and I predict it's going to be Pennsylvania dutch culture, very Amish. It's going to be bonnets and butter churns.

Your body will heal itself, through gentle and peaceful cooperation with the inherent wisdom and intelligence within.

A job isn’t ‘till death do us part…

Good design is making something intelligible and memorable. Great design is making something memorable and meaningful.

I'm not a true vegan.

The best way to persuade is with your ears.

Class is the most difficult subject for American writers to deal with as it is the most difficult for the English to avoid.

Apparently you don't have to observe the Rules of Etiquette when reuniting with a muderous spouse.

The usefulness of any meeting is inversely proportional to the size of the group.

It was a struggle financing CNN, but I did it without ever asking the government for a nickel.

Magic never dies. It merely fades away.