Is it okay to go the roof of the tallest building in your town and jerk off into the street?

I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

I don't speak French, but I took it for five years growing up. So, if I were in a situation where I had to be, like, 'Excuse me, pineapple dog house red, what time is it library?' - no problem.

If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.

A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.

What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.

In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

Until meeting you, I wasn’t looking for anything at all. Since meeting you, I’m kind of looking for a girlfriend.

And have I not told you that what you mistake for madness is but over-acuteness of the sense?

I feel very, very blessed.

If you grew up in a house where you weren't loved, you didn't know there was an alternative.

Love is the law of life.

We have to be very aggressive, to go to the limit of what's legal.

What is Parliament for if it is not to be a means to make ministers accountable for the services for which they are responsible.

If one takes pride in one's craft, you won't let a good thing die. Risking it through not pushing hard enough is not a humility.

It had to go in, but it didn't.

Watch people do their most common actions; these are indeed the things that will tell you the real character of a great person.