Is there a homeless guy built in to the design of Dunkin' Donuts? ...There'll be an entrance here... a deranged lunatic here.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Shrug off the no’s – they are temporary. This is your world. In your world there is only yes.

[An] explanation that was simply in the best traditions of female logic:"I don't know why, but I want it, so you need to give me that expensive thing.

I don't really go to clubs so I don't know what sounds are made there.

This is a dream come true. I have wanted to tour with Green Day since I was 15.

It is a great thing to have a big brain, a fertile imagination, grand ideals, but the man with these, bereft of a good backbone, is sure to serve no useful end.

Courage, after all, is not being unafraid, but doing what needs to be done in spite of fear.

Out of near disaster, came real progress.

I wanted to give my first instincts a chance without shooting them down immediately, which I sometimes do.

Respect authority while questioning it.

It’s been a full week since she left and all you’ve done is sulk like a dying cow. (Kish)