Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

I wish the night would end, I wish the day'd begin, I wish it would rain or snow, or the wind would blow, or the grass would grow, I wish I had yesterday, I wish there were games to play...

Employees can make happiness when they maximize their brainwork voluntarily and enthusiastically. Management should focus on setting up an atmosphere.

The only freedom which deserves the name is that of pursuing our own good, in our own way, so long as we do not attempt to deprive others of theirs, or impede their efforts to obtain it.

I'm amazed that years after I stopped playing tennis, people still recognize me in restaurants and ask for my autograph.

I asked Tyson Chandler who has to customize everything because he's 7-foot-1. He's said, always call a designer. You want to wear certain stuff but people don't make it.

If Jesus were here today, he wouldn't be riding around on a donkey. He'd be taking a plane, he'd be using the media.

..I wanted to create music that was so different that my mother could tell me from anyone else

There is no character in the comedy of human life more difficult to play well than that of an old bachelor.

Did Charity prevail, the press would prove A vehicle of virtue, truth, and love.

I don't smoke as many joints as I used to.