Isn't it strange -- when you're single, all you see is couples, and when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Sunday is always one of those days when you don’t feel bad that it has arrived.

For what human ill does not dawn seem to be an alleviation?

My father taught me how to draw horses - for this I shall be eternally grateful.

If I die unexpectedly can everyone just do the right thing and pretend I was a way better person than I am?

The jealous have but moments of Delight for years of Pain.

There is a need for Social Security reform to ensure its stability, and Congress must act.

I log out of Twitter on my computer so I have to log in and then I log back out.

I can't sleep. There's always somebody not getting treatment. I can't stand that.

Of course, to have money is just great because you can do what you think is important to you. I always was a rich person because money's not related to happiness.

If we are transparent, with nothing to hide, the gap between language and being disappears. Then the Muse can speak.