It doesn't matter how smart you are; to audition for 'Jeopardy,' you just have to luck out and know what they're asking you that day.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

Atheists don't like it when we push our morals on them and other people. But we don't, they follow them willingly and knowingly because they know that we are right. They hate us, but follow us.

World is getting stranger and stranger... I think there is interesting perspective in the series "Falling Water".

A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.

If I had 1,000 lives, I'd give them all for China.

Charity is from person to person; and it loses half, far more than half, its moral value when the giver is not brought into personal relation with those to whom he gives.

The father of every good work is discontent, and its mother is diligence.

Science brings men nearer to God.

I'm not good at hiding my feelings. I'm also not good at lying. I'm very open about everything.

Well see, I'm a good enough writer that not everybody in my books talks exactly like I do.

I think," he said, "I think, if you want thousands, you have to fight for one.