It doesn't matter if you're religious or not. Does anything make you feel more uncomfortable than some stranger going, I'd like to talk to you about Jesus?

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

But I don't believe that life is supposed to make you feel good, or to make you feel miserable either. Life is just supposed to make you feel.

We want to be relevant . . . However, the more relevant we become to a sin-dominated world, the more irrelevant we actually are to God.

Alcoholism is above all a disease of denial.

All good poetry is forged slowly and patiently, link by link, with sweat and blood and tears.

Psychiatrists classify a person as neurotic if he suffers from his problems in living, and a psychotic if he makes others suffer.

The American people can have anything they want; the trouble is, they don't know what they want.

In almost all sciences the fundamental knowledge is either found in earliest times or is still being sought.

I'm not in it for my health. I'm a musician and I wanna live the way I do.

Postponing doing the really interesting things in life for later, when you don't have the energy.

There are no signposts in the sea.