It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

If you have to ask that question, you wouldn't understand the answer.

Creativity adds signature or aesthetic that elevates passion to purpose and fancy to enchantment.

So desperate was Kugel for things to turn out for the best, proclaimed Professor Jove, that he couldn't stop worrying about the worst. Hope, said Professor Jove, was Solomon Kugel's greatest failing.

Those who say that money can’t buy one love make it sound as if love can buy one money.

I would just like to tell my fans how much it means to me to make a movie that they like.

And thus I take my leave of the world and of you all, and I heartily desire you all to pray for me.

Donald Trump hates the Common Core, created by governors and state education commissioners, and initially adopted by 45 states. [Betsy] DeVos has actually supported the Common Core until now.

I don't really chase trends and fads because they are fleeting.

It's the choosing that's important, isn't it?

I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.