It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

I never saw Death before, and now I seeThat it is warring eyes in a woman's form.

Feel my passion, Taste my desire, Unite and intertwine our emotions, Dare to be one with me, I in return will allow you to touch my soul.

Poems ancient and modern prowled the ice floes in bear form, filled with words that could wound with their beauty.

the paradox of human ignorance is the most intriguing paradox of nature

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.

My great-grandmother lived to be 100 years old, so I got to know her. She always sent us birthday cards that had $2 bills inside - we kept them for good luck.

Against barbarity, poetry can resist only by confirming its attachment to human fragility like a blade of grass growing on a wall while armies march by.

And here's what I said, if its in the word we accept it but if you dream it and your vision is not in the bible then you got to dismiss it because its not based upon the word.

Remember, we know the end of the story of World War II and the Cold War. But day by day, living in fear of the Nazis and then in fear of the Soviets, the outcome was by no means certain.

The only safety is in the middle of total misunderstanding and deception.