It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Kindness has no boundaries. It is the language of the soul.

Each character I play has different dimensions. I'm not interested in words that pull them together.

Art is for [the Irish] inseparable from artifice: of that, the theatre is the home. Possibly, it was England made me a novelist.

The Cardinal ... It was as if a pulsing heart of flame passed by when he came winging through the orchard.

If you want it, you've got to give it.

We're destroying the planet, and the planet rebels.

I consider myself more of an international artist than I do a one-territory artist, which I think is a blessing.

Art is certainly not a pursuit for anyone who wants to make money.

The search for the means to put an end to things, an end to speech, is what enables the discourse to continue.

I always think that, even when people behave badly, if you like something deep inside them, then there is a tiny bit of nobility - they wish they could be good.