It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

The woman of my dreams. The woman of my nightmares. Everything good and bad about my life. The “I do” that “I didn’t.

If you love me, feed my sheep.

We're not ordinary, you don't want to be ordinary.

My hope is that my novels reflect the reality of a world where good and evil exist, imperfect people make mistakes, but a perfect Heavenly Father offers forgiveness and second chances.

People, alas, are more impressed by statistics than they are by ideas.

Families without songs are unhappy families.

Religion and modernity are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

Music should be poor. Music should be with out air conditioning. That's just the way it is.

So I'm OK with myself, with history, my work, who I am and who I was.

O foolish writer. Now moves. Even in storytime, dreamtime, once-upon-a-time, now isn't then.