It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.

Life is like a piano. What you get out of it depends on how you play it.

Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down ? That's not my department.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!

If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

Political satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.

On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.

I went from adolescence to senility, trying to bypass maturity.

Always predict the worst, and you'll be hailed as a prophet.

If, after hearing my songs, just one human being is inspired to say something nasty to a friend, or perhaps to strike a loved one, it will all have been worth the while.

You can be a great man and still be a fool. Many of our country’s leaders can attest to that. Were they still living.

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought.

This shall hence become my music.

I'm really not one of these procrastinators who cleans the house in order to put off writing, but life gets in the way.

There's a standard formula for success in the entertainment medium, and that is: Beat it to death if it succeeds.

The mouth can be better engaged than with a cylinder of rank weed.

Sometimes you've got to fight when your a man.

The greatest part of what we say and do is really unnecessary. If a man takes this to heart, he will have more leisure and less uneasiness.

My great-great-grandfather was a shah back in the 1800s. Unfortunately, I don't have any gold coins or jewels to show for it.

You always want to see the NFL try to protect the players.