It is easier to hate those we love, than love those whom we have hated.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

I FELT HAPPINESS LIKE A BLIND, TILL I HAD A SATISFIED MIND.SORROW FOR WHAT I LOST, IS LIKE DREAMS THAT COST.

The best time to make friends is before you need them.

The government's living in its own cloud cuckoo land and it's a cloud of greenhouse gases.

I don't think college wrestling is in danger of extinction by any means. But I am concerned if one program drops.

I think the prospect of bringing back grammar schools has always been wrong and I've never supported it. And I don't think any Conservative government would have done it.

Among Jews, there is an absence of drunkenness, always a fruitful source of domestic strife and misconduct.

If you think of music as a language, the space part is where you throw out all the syntax.

Until 1986, developing games was a mere hobby for me. Back then, I didn't know that game designers existed, because the designers' names didn't appear on the boxes.

Every time I go to the dentist they say, 'You really need to fix that gap of yours'. I'm like, 'My gap is paying your dentist bills.'

Let a prince be guarded with soldiers, attended by councillors, and shut up in forts; yet if his thoughts disturb him, he is miserable.