It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood.

Excuses are like butt holes everyone has 'em and they all stink.

If money don't buy happiness, what the hell does?

Matrimony and firefighting. They ain't for cowards.

A friend is someone who will bike to the ice cream shop with you, even when you don't look so good.

Let us talk about oxymoron, common sense, for instance.

Lust and love. They both put a fire in your damn shorts.

Celibacy sucks, no pun intended.

I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on.

Sometimes stupid is crime enough.

Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously.

Reasoning draws a conclusion, but does not make the conclusion certain, unless the mind discovers it by the path of experience.

Fighting is like champagne. It goes to the heads of cowards as quickly as of heroes. Any fool can be brave on a battlefield when it's be brave or else be killed.

There must not be any single person in the world whom you should allow to rent a portion of your heart. Don't hold grudge. Forgive and move on...

In every out-thrust headland in every curving beach in every grain of sand there is the story of the earth.

A child's education should begin at least one hundred years before he is born.

I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness.

If you don't make mistakes you are not really trying.

I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo. In morse code.

We need a President that all Americans can respect, not a celebrity who uses words like freedom and liberty like they are a punchline in a reality show.

I told myself if I ever made it to the level I want to be at, I'm gonna give back.