It is fatal to let any dog know that he is funny, for he immediately loses his head and starts hamming it up.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

Love meant hope. Without love, life held no promise.

Freedom in general may be defined as the absence of obstacles to the realization of desires.

It is when you have done your work honestly, when you have contributed your share to the common fund that you begin to live.

If you want to be clever in your picture, don't let anybody catch you at it. If they catch you, you're not clever.

I wake up: I am mental, I got to bed and I am mental, I am mental within my dreams, I am mental within my normal state, I'm out of my mind.

If you love movies, then you love America.

We accept women being complete c-nts if they’re doing it for a child.

If you write every day, you're going to write a lot of things that aren't terribly good, but you're going to have given things a chance to have their moments of sprouting.

The philosopher is in love with truth, that is, not with the changing world of sensation, which is the object of opinion, but with the unchanging reality which is the object of knowledge.

the so-called women's question is a whole-people question.