It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

We need to remember that God is holding us in His hands, he will lead us to the light

Most times problems are not solved with more money. It usually takes innovation." - L. R. W. Lee, Andy Smithson: Blast of the Dragon's Fury

Look on every exit as being an entrance somewhere else.

and yet a child’s utter innocence is but its blank ignorance, and the innocence more or less wanes as intelligence waxes.

Acquaintance n: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from but not well enough to lend to.

I also have a pair of ruby red slippers from the 'Wizard of Oz' and Dorothy's gingham dress...and on and on. I saved as much as I could and still do, because people are still interested in it.

We frequently are troublesome to others, when we think it impossible for us ever to be so.

Steroids, used correctly, will not only make you stronger and sexier, they will also make you healthier.

I'll never let you part, for you're always in my heart

I am a person who works well under pressure. In fact, I work so well under pressure that at times, I will procrastinate in order to create this pressure.