It is man's own fault, it is from want of use, if his mind grows torpid in old age.

Cucumber should be well sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out.

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.

Curiosity is one of the most permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.

Kindness is in our power, even when fondness is not.

When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates his mind wonderfully.

Classical quotation is the parole of literary men all over the world.

A man who uses a great many words to express his meaning is like a bad marksman who, instead of aiming a single stone at an object, takes up a handful and throws at it in hopes he may hit.

There are minds so impatient of inferiority that their gratitude is a species of revenge, and they return benefits, not because recompense is a pleasure, but because obligation is a pain.

When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford.

He who has so little knowledge of human nature as to seek happiness by changing anything but his own disposition will waste his life in fruitless efforts.

Beauty, my first girlfriend said to me, is that inner quality often associated with great amounts of leisure time.

Affliction caused by the tongue is worse than that caused by the strike of the blade of a sword.

im in love with you and im not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things.

Excuse me? Do you mind if I sit next to you? This spot has the best view of..." I glanced out the window. "The... gravel roof.

I mean, I'm the tag of the [ Big Bang Theory ] show! That was one of the easiest jobs I've ever had.

When God thought of mother, He must have laughed with satisfaction, and framed it quickly - so rich, so deep, so divine, so full of soul, power, and beauty, was the conception.

I am now The Establishment. There's nothing I can do about it.

I guess maybe the only time I met George Wallace was when - at a boy scout meeting in Montgomery, and he met 10 or 15 of us from different areas. I'm not sure why I was there.

You can't win together if you don't work together.

Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.