It is not depravity that afflicts the human race so much as a general lack of intelligence.

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

It has been wisely said that we cannot really love anybody at whom we never laugh.

What monstrous absurdities and paradoxes have resisted whole batteries of serious arguments, and then crumbled swiftly into dust before the ringing death-knell of a laugh!

It takes time and trouble to persuade ourselves that the things we want to do are the things we ought to do.

Our dogs will love and admire the meanest of us, and feed our colossal vanity with their uncritical homage.

For indeed all that we think so new to-day has been acted over and over again, a shifting comedy, by the women of every century.

No man pursues what he has at hand. No man recognizes the need of pursuit until that which he desires has escaped him.

There are few things more wearisome in a fairly fatiguing life than the monotonous repetition of a phrase which catches and holds the public fancy by virtue of its total lack of significance.

It is not what we learn in conversation that enriches us. It is the elation that comes of swift contact with tingling currents of thought.

For my part, the good novel of character is the novel I can always pick up; but the good novel of incident is the novel I can never lay down.

Be happy and enjoy your sacred time on earth.

Maybe I should drown myself before I freeze to death?

I'm gettin' stacks while you askin' people, 'Do you want some fries with that?'

I do not read newspapers. I do not watch television. I am not interested in current events, although I will occasionally discuss them if other people want to discuss them.

Who wants to live forever?

All stories interest me, and some haunt me until I end up writing them.

Only those who are built up can build others up, amen?

The blood of heroes is closer to the Lord than the ink of scholars and the prayers of the pious.

Monogamy and prostitution go together.

A novel is balanced between a few true impressions and the multitude of false ones that make up most of what we call life.