It is not that I believe that there are too many idiots in this world, just that lightning isn't distributed right.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Knowing is important, but understanding is essential for wisdom.

You can only control so much, in the end the rest is up to fate.

One does not have humor. It has you.

Buds in the snow—the deadly fightbetween two birds

Many baseball fans look upon an umpire as a sort of necessary evil to the luxury of baseball, like the odor that follows an automobile.

When will all the rhetorical questions end?

Live how you want to live, not being influenced by others around you.

He consorted with prostitutes and poets...and with persons even worse.

Few men are so obstinate in their atheism, that a pressing danger will not compel them to acknowledgment of a divine power.

Let me be the one To do what is done.