It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Until you begin to write, then you will see the beauty of writing.

I have laughed, in bitterness and agony of heart, at the contrast between what I seem and what I am!

For my brothers it was easy to think about the future. They can be anything they want. But for me it was hard and for that reason I wanted to become educated and empower myself with knowledge.

Sometimes the first duty of intelligent men is the restatement of the obvious.

All that foreign oil controlling American soil.

The thing about Barack Obama, just from being around him, is he's cooler than the other politicians, but just nerdy enough to do the job. Like you can't be really cool and be the president.

I'm not a spy for Russia or China or any other country for that matter.

We're taught to solely blame our luck-of-the-draw genes for our health issues, rather than our daily habits, dietary choices, and interplay with the environment that surrounds us.

I still subscribe to the minority view that all horses are offensive weapons and not to be trusted a yard.

It often happens that I have an idea, but then I try to fill in the intermediate steps and find they don't work, so I have to give it up.