It is so expensive to take care of my hair and keep it looking like I was born with it, when my real hair is the color of rat fur.

Last year people won more than one billion dollars playing poker. And casinos made twenty-seven billion just by being around those people.

Don't judge me. I made a lot of money.

Kids do have to learn that life is a humiliating charade of endless disappointment and tragedy ultimately culminating in pain, decay, and death. My parents used to sing me to sleep with that one.

I'm capable of living in the moment. And I'm especially capable of living in the moment of sitting on my sofa and watching other people's moments.

I dislike Ted Cruz as much as the next everyone. But that's no reason to be rude to Ted's loving wife and possible hostage.

There's a danger zone if you take yourself too seriously. It's a terrible trap to fall into. I think it's the death of comedy.

It's like you can't even go on the radio anymore and condemn a whole subset of people to hell without getting some blowback.

I continue to be very shy. I think a lot of actors and performers are really weird, shy people working it out onstage. I don't know why that is.

You don't want to be glib; you want to treat every story respectfully.

I grew up an only child, so I was so much more adult. My eldest daughter is 10, and I was so much more of an adult than she is. She just doesn't care for the real world. She's not interested.

My heart only ever had one thought, one want. One need. Despite all, in spite of all...All my heart has ever wanted is you.

When the mind is free, magic happens.

In less than a year, the Bush administration will strut out of office, leaving the country in roughly the same condition a toddler leaves a diaper.

To sum up - i f you want to be more creat ive, star t loving yoursel f enough to giveyoursel f permission to fai l . In fact, bet ter yet, don' t even wor ry about winning orlosing. Just DO.

Beware of trying to accomplish anything by force.

My mother Diana was a true-blue aristocrat, descended from William the Conqueror and listed in 'Burke's Peerage.' My father David, from a poor Scottish family, was a doctor.

Some people are saying, Justin Bieber is racist. Is he? I dont know.

Music has its own depths, and I let it take me where it takes me, even if it means stripping all my clothes off.

Big productions, to me, are great - like, I love going to Vegas and seeing shows - but I think that sometimes it's distracting, especially when you are there to listen to the music.

You can be confident and secure and know that you do a good job at what you do. But you don't know to be arrogant about it.