It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

We're all made the same but then born to change. Which then don't make us the same.

...when the public nerve is aroused, the most impressive capacity of man is his skill for lying.

This punishment of death is the remedy, as it were, of a sick society.

My grandmother taught me to knit, and as I knit, my mind returns to my childhood.

Body odour (known also as scent of the immortals) is a disgusting condition with an awful, nauseating smell.

I doubt God would want to touch America's tax code, since it is already located in the third rung of Hell.

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.

Where there's music there can be no evil.

Men are paid, not merely for what they know, but more particularly for WHAT THEY DO WITH THAT WHICH THEY KNOW.

How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?