It isn't enough for an umpire to merely know what he's doing. He has to look as though he knows what he's doing, too.

When I'm right, no one remembers.When I am wrong, no one forgets.

In a way an umpire is like a woman. He makes quick decisions, never reverses them, and doesn't think you're safe when you're out.

Officiating is the only job in America that everybody knows how to do better than the guy who is doing it.

People come to see the players. Nobody ever bought a ticket to see a manager.

We never know the love of a parent till we become parents ourselves.

Comedies are fit for common wits: But to present a kingly troop withal, Give me a stately-written tra

I hate the only one of my book jackets when I was made up professionally, my hair made into a smooth bell.

Have you noticed that when we die, our eulogies celebrate our lives very differently from the way society defines success?

My post-child period resulted in one instant change: I write shorter books for kids.

I realize now that dying is easy. Living is hard.

Sexually,Woman is Nature's contrivance for perpetuating its highest achievement.

The kinds of things that we can make mistakes about are essentially unlimited in number.

All I'm trying to do is make music that people like and that makes people happy.