It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses may run ill.

The Fair Tax Equation: T=I(I(.000001))

They could not write their names, but I can write mine, and I will again, somewhere where it will last for a long, long time. I will find Ky, and then I will find that place.

I could never give relationship advice to anybody!

Fly not yet; 't is just the hour When pleasure, like the midnight flower That scorns the eye of vulgar light, Begins to bloom for sons of night And maids who love the moon.

He told me just to keep the ball low.

Doctor, if I put this here guitar down now I ain't never going to wake up.

I have had sculptures cast in bronze, silver and aluminium. My drawings are all graphite or pigment ink and gouache on paper.

Men think wiles charming unless they find out your charms are wiles.