It looked something like a pen wiper and something like a piece of hearth-rug. A second and keener inspection revealed it as a Pekinese puppy.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

Excellent memories are often coupled with feeble judgments.

It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.

It's never much fun at school - it's just dates. Then as you get older, for some reason, you get more interested.

You're alone in your ideas, because you're the only one who knows what's possible.

My books always make the best-seller lists in Wolf Hole, Arizona, and Hanksville, Utah.

Anything that happens gradually is always irrevocable.

My job is — I make socks. That’s all I do. I don’t necessarily care about the show. I would rather film this — me doing what I do — than being around my family.

Freedom of speech is useless without freedom of thought.

We will never know our full potential unless we push ourselves to find it. It's this self discovery that inevitably takes us to the wildest places on earth.

Film is a medium of clear lines and broad strikes - which can be fantastic - but compared to the subtleties and nuances of a novel, it doesn't even get close.