It looks like President Bush will be handing over power to the Iraqis by June 30th. That's amazing and not only that, but it looks like he'll be handing over power to the Democrats by November 2nd.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Love: I guess It is some kind of magic, It has a power to make us better... But there is the thing magic can sometimes be an illusion and nothing else.

The more the world is specialized the more it will be run by generalists.

I've always been drawn to tormented people full of contradictions.

The end of lower art is to please, the end of average art is to raise the top, the end of superior art is to free.

I try to eat in a way that makes me feel good. If that means a little bite of chocolate I do that, but I try not to use food as a reward for myself.

There's right and there's wrong. You got to do one or the other. You do the one and you're living. You do the other and you may be walking around, but you're dead as a beaver hat.

You don't win tournaments by playing well and thinking poorly.

Common European thought is the fruit of the immense toil of translators. Without translators, Europe would not exist; translators are more important than members of the European Parliament.

What's important to me is that I put messages out, whether it's a TED talk, whether it's a book.

Learn to humble yourself, you are but earth and clay.