It means a lot to me to have my kids like what I do. And that's why I limit them. But I don't want to put that pressure on them to be a fan of mine.

You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because' cards. They can't even ask you why you did it.

Go my favorite sports team go! Score a goal. Unit. Basket. Go squadron! Defeat the opponents soundly in this...skirmish.

I think the serving size of ice cream is when you hear the spoon hit the bottom of the container.

If you were to second guess your decision to book some time to visit an Indian community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.

A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about it later down the road.

The big yellow one is the sun!

I was at the breakfast table this morning and I read in the newspaper that more and more adults are living at home with their parents. That surprised me, I was like Mom did you read this?

Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of the head at 90 miles per hour.

I hate getting off the elevator on the wrong floor? Anyone ever do that... and then you have to turn around and face those people. I feel like I owe everyone in there an explanation.

If Einstein was so smart how come people only call you 'Einstein' when you do something really stupid ?

O that I were a man, or that I had powerTo execute my apprehended wishes!I would whip some with scorpions.

You live on - in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here...Death ends life, not a relationship.

Some people know of no other way to interface with others except through their created chaos.

Heaven and hell suppose two distinct species of men, the good and the bad. But the greatest part of mankind float betwixt vice and virtue.

The Andrew Principle is when the incompetence of an organization exceeds the incompetence of certain individuals within that organization, thereby allowing their promotion within said organization.

I believe that we have a responsibility to make culture available for all people, not only those who can afford to go to the movies.

I can't think of anybody we toured with that had more impact on us than Queen.

My girlfriend's packed her bags and moved out to another town, she couldn't stand the boredom when the video broke down.

One way to escape the universe in which everything is a kind of media cartoon is to write about the part of your life that doesn't feel like a cartoon, and how the cartoon comes into it.

Conscience is the reason employed about questions of right and wrong.