It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn

Good memories are like charms...Each is special. You collect them, one by one, until one day you look back and discover they make a long, colorful bracelet.

Your mind creates your reality. If you expect nothing, you open up the universe to give you options. If you expect the worst, you usually get it.

A friend of mine once defined love as finding someone you can talk to late into the night

Some poeple just don't have what it takes to appreciate a cookie.

Oh great. Yoda captured us.

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)

They call me, The Sharkalator

At that moment I had no mind to change, or not change, or throw against the nearest wall.

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

I had to give him props, but how annoying of him to be a hero when I was trying so hard to dislike him. It was downright selfish.

Oh, God! That bread should be so dear, And flesh and blood so cheap!

I usually have a drink before a carpet because I find them really nerve-racking. Usually a tequila. An upper!

The path you take is up to you. Make good choices, dream BIG, it is never too late.

Play the game with a smile.

If you hate your enemies, you will contract such a vicious habit of mind that it will break out upon those who are your friends, or those who are indifferent to you.

When your goal is to gain experience, perspective, and knowledge, failure is no longer a possibility

An unaspiring person always complaints. There is no end to his complaints. He bitterly complains even when the blessings of opportunity knock at his very door.

I didn't know how to go about preparing for the part of someone who can't remember who he is. The frustration angle is written in, but there's also this incredible passive state

Unless we share with each other we gotta start makin' changes

You don't get fewer followers saying outrageous stuff on Twitter.