It might go down better than appearing as a giant reptile encased in a ball of fire and forcing yourself on her.' 'WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BRING THAT UP?

Perhaps the way to succeed is to think of life on Earth as a colossal joke, a creation of such immense stupidity that the only way to live is to laugh until you think your heart will break.

I don't get nearly enough credit in life for the things I manage not to say.

The imagination can be dangerous. It can change the world. And that is why we write.

Self-knowledge is essential not only to writing, but to doing almost anything really well. It allows you to work through from a deep place - from the deep, dark corners of your subconscious mind.

Osbert was the only one who didn't seem suspicious. He was so interested in the Decline of Western Civilization that he missed the version of it taking place under his nose.

This was what happiness felt like - this wondrous, miraculous alternative to dread.

While working in advertising, I channelled my creative energy into elaborate escape fantasies: cake making, dog breeding, the Peace Corps.

Things Happen and once they start happening you pretty much just to hold on for dear life and see where they drop you when they stop.

If you haven't been in a war and are wondering how long it takes to get used to losing everything you think you need or love, I can tell you the answer is no time at all.

The soldier had stamped my passport FAMILY in heavy black capital letters and I checked it now for reassurance and because I liked how fierce the word looked

Dreams keep the heart alive.

We want what's in this world but we also want what ain't.

Our lives are businesses that are sometimes run by idiots.

It’s easy to thank God and to be happy when you live a sheltered life and have no concept of suffering

There are some people who fall in love over and over.

Because I write a book a year, I always want to do one other project every year that's stimulating in a different way. It means you can be working but not using up your prose juice, you know?

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.

Even beauty, in abundance, turns creepy.

Every single day, I'm shocked at what I've been given the opportunity to do.

I am a toggler. I always have three or four projects going, short stories alongside novels and essays. When one project is terrible, there's somewhere else hopeful to look.