It pays to get drunk with the best people.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

Life is so fleeting. I am so busy enjoying it that I have no time to get angry.

It is actually okay to stop trying to solve the problem of feeling bad. In fact it is wise because our habitual ways of solving problems almost invariably wind up making things worse.

Sometimes an impulse is more rewarding than a calculation.

Our athiests are pious people.

I've come to the conclusion that everybody should marry, including me.

I liken myself to someone who built the house he will live in one day and is preparing to furnish it.

Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.

What makes me uncomfortable about [Barack] Obama is what makes me uncomfortable about any young politician who has not yet been bloodied inside the Beltway.

There has been enough blood in the Balkans. Serbia is offering its hand. Let us turn to the future and not deal with the past.

Mistakes can be corrected by those who pay attention to facts but dogmatism will not be corrected by those who are wedded to a vision.