It really bothers me when some people say that all cops are racist. Of course that's not true. Most of you are just [expletive] to everybody.

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

Life is short. You have to be able to laugh at our pain or we never move on.

Do you want me to apologize after every joke? If it doesn't offend somebody it's probably not a joke. It's probably an observation that's not funny. It's gotta offend somebody somewhere.

I've actually tried to roast somebody that I don't like, and it doesn't go well. Either they're a bad sport or I'm not as funny as I could be.

When I see a good singer, I get teary-eyed. Part of it is jealousy because all comedians are frustrated rock stars. That's a fact.

How is it possible that Courtney Love looks worse than Kurt Cobain?

I've always liked cops, as much as you can like a group of people, you know? Sure, I've been hassled, but I'm a white dude - privileged.

Instead of running for President, why don’t you try walking on a treadmill?

My life and my career have been a series of happy and not so happy accidents.

Maybe I'm corny, but I'm a big believer in second chances.

The slightest awareness of ‘my-ness’ is indeed egoism.

Even our fears make us feel important, because we fear we might not be.

i know for sure, to be a leader i have to be a good reader

Designing my shoes, I'm thinking timeless. Not trendy.

The law always limits every power it gives.

When I was growing up, my parents always told me that I had to do what I thought was right and not listen to other people. That was hard for me.

Whether you do a play in front of 100 people or a movie that one billion people see, you're still affecting people.

It's a common feeling for people to feel intermittent antipathy toward individuals they're familiar with.

Israel is the second Silicon Valley, and it is therefore the only other place we have chosen to expand our activities.

His most frequent ailment was the headache which he used to relieve by inhaling the steam of coffee.