It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.

[T]here can be a form of vanity in grief that is indulged rather than suffered.

They did not ask my permission for their mediocrity, why should I ask theirs for excellence?

Cosmoe is nearing the stage where I would feel comfortable doing a preliminary release aimed at developers.

I like working with different directors; it keeps you on your toes.

You may not be able to measure God's love, but you can certainly experience it.

I'd rather go to hell than be in purgatory...

Tolerance is a virtue of people who don't believe in anything anymore.

I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon.

I'll toss my coins in the fountain, Look for clovers in grassy lawns Search for shooting stars in the night Cross my fingers and dream on.