It's a funny kind of month, October. For the really keen cricket fan it's when you discover that your wife left you in May.

There's an unseen force which lets birds know when you've just washed your car.

I used to like writing for comedians - I enjoyed the challenge of making other people funny.

If all the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players, where do all the audiences come from?

It's like your children talking about holidays, you find they have a quite different memory of it from you. Perhaps everything is not how it is, but how it's remembered.

And when you're on your own there is that terrifying possibility that you may be the only person on the planet who thinks it's funny - and you have no way of finding out.

If the laughter of the audience was malicious we wouldn't show it.

You know you're getting old when a four-letter word for something pleasurable two people can do in bed together is R-E-A-D.

What is a harp but an oversized cheese slicer with cultural pretensions?

Middle age is when, whenever you go on holiday, you pack a sweater.

A counter tenor is anyone who can count to ten.

Smoky knickers. Always said you were hot stuff, ” he said. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at the same time. It made me so dizzy that I almost fell over. Men.

Prayer should not be so much about petitioning God as it should be about promoting our own spiritual growth.

The more articulate one is, the more dangerous words become.

Can Protagonist think of a single film that interests him as much as the three-hundredth best book he ever read?

Americans are a can-do people, an enthusiastic people, a problem-solving people. And when given a direction and given a plan, they'll sign on.

Losing my faith was the most spiritual thing that ever happened to me.

The best methods are those which help the life energy to resume its inner work of healing

It always disappoints me when I go to a concert and they don't play my favorite song, or at least one of their biggest hits.

Life brings sorrows and joys alike. It is what a man does with them - not what they do to him - that is the true test of his mettle.

Thank God we can't tell the future. We'd never get out of bed.