It's a funny thing about writing. You get so balled up in a story idea that you lose your perspective and forget that human being might read your words someday.

Money can't buy happiness—but it can buy beer.

I had never liked bullying of any sort, especially when an individual acquires his courage by becoming part of a faceless mob. I always say if you need fake courage, get it out of a bottle like I do.

... occasionally I see rich-looking women on Rollerblades gripping leashes and being towed bodily by golden retrievers. That's my kind of jogging.

A lot of artists start out as failed poets, then move on to being failed short-story writers before they finally break through to the big time and become failed novelists.

Being a cab river is not unlike being a magician--minus the top hat, the cape, the rabbit, an the gorgeous assistant. But you do have an audience.

Adverbs and cops always come in pairs.

I was in the land of fakes and frauds and phonies-I felt like saying “Howdy cousin,” to everybody who walked by.

I've been broke, and I've been in debt, and broke is better.

I was driving pretty much the way everyone drives in LA, like elephants dancing on each others’ backs at a circus.

She looked confused. She looked off-balance. That's a technique I employ to get dates, and it always works.

That night, in the dark, dressed to kill, I lost my life—and became twenty forever.

Clairey knew well that it was one thing to occupy his bed, quite another to occupy his heart.

When every one is in the wrong every one is in the right.

Space has always been confusing to politics.

I am, as they say, the classic starving artist.

You couldn't have small, dying children in a movie without really bringing everyone down, but you can in comics.

The difference between good and great is just a little extra effort.

Be not held back by fear's insane insistence that sureness lies in doubt. I am not doubtful, but certain. The miracle is always there. I will see them in the light.

I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.

Deconstruction: peering suspiciously at the text, I wait for it to make a slip and betray itself.