It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

– Some people forget, do you know – they forget what it is like to be young, to feel things ruthlessly, terribly. If you forget that much of life, well, I don’t know.

Vultures pick the meat clean off a bone. Guilt eats at the marrow, leaving a man hollow.

Don't buy the house buy the neighborhood.

All love that has not friendship for its base Is like a mansion built upon the sand.

Sophie Germain proved to the world that even a woman can accomplish something in the most rigorous and abstract of sciences and for that reason would well have deserved an honorary degree.

It was in a way a comforting idea; if there was all the time in the world, then the happenings of a given moment became less important.

Do they deserve to die?" but "Do we deserve to kill them?

Others go to bed with their mistresses; I with my ideas.

Hamlet is a little daunting.

I'm an actor. I started as an actor. I started on Broadway doing 'Hair' and Shakespeare in the Park.