It's a little strange when you have never been to war, and you eye-roll about a guy who's got shrapnel still in his body, as Chuck Hagel does.

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands, and then work outward from there.

Reality is funny, Your's will always be different than mine. This turns the truth into an illusion. They say everyone lies so what do we do? We believe in ourselves! You are the only real....

Divide the big task into small pieces which can be done every day

Absences are a good influence in love and keep it bright and delicate.

Hope, deceiving as it is, serves at least to lead us to the end of our lives by an agreeable route.

An improper art aims at exciting in the way of comedy the feeling of desire but the feeling which is proper to comic art is the feeling of joy.

I don't know if Jared Leto or Leo [DiCaprio] would ever do Fuller House, but you never know.

Ben Stiller isn't funny - honest. Ben Stiller is very funny, and smart, and cute, too, in a neurotic, New York kind of way.

It seems like the more I live, the more I realize that saying 'yes' is almost never a mistake. If you say no, it might feel safe, but then you end up going nowhere.

I pay about a third in taxes, I give away about a third, and I follow the law.