It's a lot easier to say you're a comic than a performance artist.

I probably have become more infamous from two misdemeanors than probably anyone I could think of.

I know you are, but what am I?

There's a lotta things about me you don't know anything about, Dottie. Things you wouldn't understand. Things you couldn't understand. Things you shouldn't understand.

There were just things in Disney movies that probably were too scary for kids.

I wouldn't sell my bike for all the money in the world. Not for a hundred million, trillion, billion dollars!

I'm right-handed, and the police report said I was jerking off with my left hand. That would have been the end of the case right there, proof it couldn't have been me.

I've always felt like a kid, and I still feel like a kid, and I've never had any problem tapping into my childhood, and my kid side.

I enjoy getting to be arty and quirky and weird and all the things that I don't have that much choice with. You just sort of use what you got.

I was always in disguise. I'd wear masks or weird get-ups so you couldn't recognize me. I was always afraid that if somebody caught on that it was me, I'd never work again.

I was looking for a last name that was a first name. Growing up, I knew a kid who was the most obnoxious kid I ever knew, and his last name was Herman.

You know what would be awesome? . . . If I could have a machete.

I have a problem keeping my mouth shut. I usually speak my mind. I'm trying to learn my lesson.

Some people learn to lose. Others lose and learn.

I was Chairman for two days. I had an airplane with my engines, hit a building I insured, was covered by a network I owned and I still have to increase earnings by 11 percent.

Concerning our Lord Jesus Christ, we must also be aware that he is our Advocate, and that without him we cannot approach God.

You can't destroy the polish national-consciousness or Poles on the battlefield, but if you give them power, they will destroy themselves

When I discover who I am, I'll be free.

I did like seven songs on Michael Jackson's Invincible album, but I might have done 60 songs to get to those seven. You don't know what's going to happen.

Knowing is NOT the most important thing. To be able to FIND OUT is more important than knowing.

Alarmed, I realized what my visceral reaction implied: jealousy. Over a guy I barely knew, with whom I’d exchanged more saliva than sentences.