It's a pity more men are not bastards by birth instead of vocation.

Find out what you like doing best, and get someone to pay you for it.

Why do born-again people so often make you wish they'd never been born the first time?

Have you ever taken anything out of the clothes basket because it had become, relatively, the cleaner thing?

It is a pity that so often the only way to treat girls like people seems to be to treat them like boys.

There are some circles in America where it seems to be more socially acceptable to carry a hand-gun than a packet of cigarettes.

A good listener is not someone with nothing to say. A good listener is a good talker with a sore throat.

The main purpose of children's parties is to remind you that there are children more awful than your own.

When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why.

The disease is painless; it's the cure that hurts.

Any committee that is the slightest use is composed of people who are too busy to want to sit on it for a second longer than they have to.

Only the goodness of heart and an intellect to match can produce such a perfect woman in nature.

Life is a sacred bliss.

The great need to grasp principles had caused me to spend most of my time on fruitless persuits.

Perhaps people ought to feel with more imagination.

The actor is not quite a human being-but then, who is?

If you can make the reader laugh he is apt to get careless and go on reading.

You should not have idle hands, you should always be working. All your life.

The Moguls is a story about guys that have all grown up together and are now in their late 40s, early 50s.

If we increase freight rates, the goods will move through the roads and the condition of the roads will become worse.

The purpose of a writer is to be read, and the criticism which would destroy the power of pleasing must be blown aside