It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

Your relationships will either empower you to overcome obstacles, or put fears in you so you can run away from them.

Begin the work!

Reading keeps me sane. Growing up, it was my scape, my alternative; it provided both rebellion and peace.

I don't duck or dodge anybody.

The only true test of values, either of men or of things, is that of their ability to make the world a better place in which to live.

Sweet flower, thou tellest how hearts as pure and tender as thy leaf, as low and humble as thy stem, will surely know the joy that peace imparts.

As for the common men apart, Who sweat to keep their common breath, And have no hour for books or art-- What dreams have these to hide from death!

The most important thing to understand about your pension is it only really counts on the day you put money in and the day you take money out.

If people don't read, that's their choice; a lifelong book habit may itself be some sort of affliction.

I want to be strong and empowered. I want to shock everybody.