It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

At age 11 in 1960, I moved to an academic state secondary school, Harrow County Grammar School for Boys.

Intellectual men who quickly wolf down whatever nourishment is necessary for their bodies with a kind of disdain, may be very rational and have a noble intelligence, but they are not men of taste.

When a man tells you what people are saying about you, tell him what people are saying about him; that will immediately take his mind off your troubles.

What disturbs people's minds are not events but their judgments on events.

I am not now, and never have been, a girlfriend of Henry Kissinger.

The great religions are the ships, Poets the life boats. Every sane person I know has jumped overboard.

Average, middle-class people, the people of Macomb County, couldn't afford health care. Now they can [with Obamacare].

To say that they are the enemy of the people, among the worst human beings on earth, it encourages and legitimizes an anger towards the press that, you know, I think, fosters this attitude.

It definitely changed the game. I happen to be in the game around [the time] when the internet kicked in.