It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Language has time as its element

Understanding who you are is critical for your career advancement. Self-awareness helps you get ahead.

I spend a lot of time with Buddhists. I'm not a Buddhist, but their relationship with death interests me.

I think poetry should be read very much like prose, except that the line breaks should be acknowledged somehow.

I haven't really focused so much on getting acting work.

UNICEF is such a special organization, and to spread the word just makes me so happy.

Don't believe those lies about intellectual people. They're only written to soothe the majority.

You are constantly battling against your own weaknesses to make a good performence.

It's fun to write your set list 20 minutes before and keep the crew very much on their toes.