It's amazing how email has changed our lives. You ever get a handwritten letter in the mail today? 'What the? Has someone been kidnapped?'

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental.

Everyone has a talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark places where it leads.

My mom and my dad were both very sociable, meeting lots of interesting people.

There is no proportional representation requirement in the Equal Protection Clause

The problem is that Islam does not have a pope, so there's no one guy to say, 'This isn't kosher'...Not that he would.

When you were made a leader you weren't given a crown, you were given the responsibility to bring out the best in others.

Prejudice is one of the world's greatest labor-saving devices; it enables you to form an opinion without having to dig up the facts.

Out of the Roman States there is no country where I am Pope except the United States.

How can I save my little boy from Oppenheimer's deadly toy?

We have lost sight of the dependence we have on nature in economics