It's best to love your family as you would a Siberian tiger-from a distance, preferably separated by bars.

Brits have a better sense of humor in most ways. It's darker, more cutting.

When you can't draw chameleons and you can't draw blenders, it's a bad idea to write strips where chameleons become blenders.

If somebody is not on the same page with me humor wise, I can't give them that.

I seem to be able to get away with pun strips if I add a panel at the end where I somehow indicate that I know it's a bad pun.

You can write a little and can draw a little, but there's necessarily a limitation on both in a comic strip, since it appears in such a tiny space.

Sticking to my schedule, Ive gotten over seven months ahead, which allowed me to write a Pearls Before Swine movie script for the big screen.

I was a lawyer for 10 years, and when youre in law, things really have to get done, or somebody sues you. Its a great trick.

Most poetry just confounds me. I really want to like it, but I can't help thinking it's a hoax. (p. 24)

If you put me in South Park, that audience is going to fall asleep in five minutes.

The writing is done on the computer, and the drawing is done by hand. I write, write, write, then I hit the illustration.

Therefore, God elected the people of Israel to reveal authentic worship and the pursuit of ultimate wisdom so he could reinstate order to a chaotic world.

That's the privilege of old age: You don't have to remember.

If a film has a social message, it is very important for me to know what the message is and how it's going to be delivered, but it's not something I look for all the time.

I think first of all, the United States has got to adopt a policy of befriending and creating allies around the world.

I think it distinguishes television from every other medium. It's what makes it kind of radical, and risky, and fun.

Music is my personal addiction. So much of everything I've done has only been to open more doors for the music itself. It all gets back to the fact that I am, first of all, a songwriter and a singer.

The Universe yields to me when I ask.

I have problems because I'm very expressive, and usually red lipstick gets on my teeth and face.

Grumbling is the death of love

You have to be quite stupid to act.