It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

During a heat wave every dude stinks.

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

Theres nothing to fear but fears themselves, such as monsters, rejection, food poisoning, redundancy, monsters, and oxford commas.

Be comforted! If there are people who can't stand to be around you, just remember that darkness hates light and deceit hates truth.

Home is not as much about a place you belong, as people you belong to.

Withdrawal of US troops will become like salted peanuts to the American public: The more US troops come home, the more will be demanded.

It takes 3 girls to tow always; two to hold the rope, and the other one runs round and round, and giggles.

My desire to participate in the business is not to make more crap.

Maybe further down the road in my career, in a couple of years when I'm maybe not that fast any more around the court, then maybe it would be good to come to the net a little bit more often

I am putting pressure on myself to do my best and perform to my potential.

There is no need to waste pity on young girls who are having their moments of disillusionment, for in another moment they will recover their illusion.

As long as you live keep smiling because it brightens everybody's day.

No wisdom that she may gain by experience and reflection hereafter, will compensate the loss of her present hilarity.